Good old fashion smut
by TheQuietScreams
Summary: It's Ichiruki crack/humor/smut/S&M/Bondage/Idon'tknow. This will be the place where one-shots maybe two-shots will reside when I have plot bunnies... It's AU in all it's possible ways and the bleach characters will, of course, be OOC. Yay for Ichiruki!
1. Harem pt1

Alrighty. This right here is a crack/humor/smut/Idon'tknow one-shot. This fanfic will be a collection of the random plot bunnies that won't leave my mind. There's going to be some Orihime bashing because I find her character to be incredibly annoying with the constant, Kurosaki kun to "save her"when others *cough*Ishada* cough* are are all capable of saving her are there too. Other than that, all the bleach characters will be ooc because it's a parody and it's AU. Oh goody right?

So. Here it goes.

Smut/humor/Idon'tknow

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Chapter one part one

Harems AU

The bronze built king sits in his golden encrusted thrown, towering above his gorgeous harem of women who couldn't get enough of the hs nine inch glory known as, "Ichi-Junior." The king has always been satisfied with his harem of women... Well... All besides-

"Kurosaki Kun~~"

Cold deep unpleasant shivers shot through out Ichigo's body. He recognizes that voice. It was the voice that managed to pass through the "screening process..."

"Orihime..." Ichigo akwardly mumbles as he slowly walks away. "What brings you heereeee?"

Giggling, Orihime pouts with her abnornally large brown eyes, "It's my day to please the king.."

Ichigo grew pale.

_SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! _Ichigo thought inwardly. _It's her day to-wait!_

Quickly, Ichigo's eyes darted around and noticed a brown paper bag-a grin crept upon his face once Ichigo grabs the brown paper bag and creates three holes.

"Inoue." Ichigo called out as he walks towards her as he hands her the brown paprt bag, "It's for you..."

Orihime's eyes beamed.

Ichigo Kurosaki- The King of her world gave her a present-Not any present. But a hand made present.

Orihime was swooned.

But. She didn't know what the brown paper bag was for since there were holes in it. So, she decides to ask Ichigo.

"Kurosaki Kun..." She tilts her head, "How do I use this?"

"You put the brown paper bag over your head." Ichigo simply responded while Orhime examined her "gift"

"Why do I need to put it on my head Kurosaki Kun? Do you now like me?" Orihime's voice creakedas she looked at Ichigo sadly.

"No, no, no, no..." Ichigo nervously laughed as he lied. "It's to-to-to... guard your face when you suck on my dick."

Orihime's eyes brighten as she thought to herself, _Kurosaki Kunis so thoughtful!_

As Orihime starts to put on the brown paper bag, Ichigo lowers his waist band and points at his nine inch glory. "Inoue, this is ready to be sucked."

A squeal of delight came from the brown paper bag as she dove right in with her nouth wide open, deep throating Ichigo-she had practice ith a cucumber... maybe a banana or two...

Orihime's head bobbled up and down as Ichigo moaned and groaned, pulling Orhime's head towards him, deeping his 9 inch inch glory in her throat as his cum tainted the brown paper bag on Orihime's head, satisfying Ichigo-Orihime?

Well, Orihime was in her own little land of sunshine lollipops and the lollipop she was sucking was Ichigo's sweet-

"~~I'm waiting Ichigoooo~~"

Ichigo's bronze eyes beam opened as he subconciously shoves Orihime's head away from his dick, yelling, "Move bitch, get out the way!" and makes a mad dash towards the voice that seductively cooed for him.

Heart broken, Orihime takes off her cum stained brown paper bag her head and hugs it as she quietly whispers, "At least I have you..."

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Giggles and laughter filled the room of the Queen's gem encrusted room as the men all long to fill the queen with thier long thick dicks. They wanted to make the queen scream thier name as they fuck her raw- the Queen loves it rough.

The queen-Known as Rukia- Sexily laid on her silken silken bed with naked men clustering around her, massaging her shoulders, feet- some even fed her grape- one at a time, the queen herself seductively licks the grape before sucking it into her mouth.

Fuck.

Thier dicks are always harden and ready for thier queen.

A calloused hand not belonging to Ichigo, ran down the sweet curves of the queen before giving her a good smack on her sweet juicy pink peach ass. A squeal of delight spills from the queens pink plump lips as she bends up and props her sweet juicy pink peach ass up, teasing the men surrounding her.

"Ichigo is taking too long..." She sexily cooed. "So... Who wants to-"

"Queen!"

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Whoa, whoa, whoa... The Orihime bashing.. xD Anyways, ths mnajor smut will continue on in the next chapter. Soo.. read and review makes this fanfic author happy xP


	2. Harem pt2

I really blame my perversions on my two friends during band practice that I sit between. Seriously, sitting between two testosterone filled foot ball players is not the best thing in the world. It's not when they are talking about a girl's anatomy and what they would do with said anatomy.

So. Here it goes.

I blame them for tainting my mind. x)

Slight Rukia/Harem but it's straight forward ichiruki.

Smut/humor/Idon'tknow

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Chapter 2 part 2

Harems AU

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Stiffling, the once King of his harem has been reduced to nothing but a man part of another harem- A Sexy Harem to be exact.

For the queen to be surrounded by built men all longing to overflow her with nothing but thier sweet cream. Men who would love to pound that sweet decadent peach ass of hers?

Tension was running high as the men all started to cluster around the queen, grinning as they cupped their swollen balls, ready to pound that sweet peach ass of hers- Ichigo was not please, but the queen sure was when she slowly uncurls herself and brings down that decadent peach ass, she laid on her thin belly and snaps her slender fingers, "Hanataro~~" Rukia's shiny pink lips sweetly cooed. "I'm hungry~~"

A smile beams on the happpy-go-lucky boy whose fate likes to play a game with him called, "Up yours Hanataro!" but when it comes to his queen, Hanataro's fate has yet to mess with him and he's happy about that. Being around the glory of the queen was more than Hanataro can ever hope to wish for. But- It was just ONCE, when the queen herself, felt bad for Hanataro who was down on his luck, so the queen asked Hanataro to please her-Hanataro was seeing stars.

Happily bumbling towards the queen, Hanataro hands the queen a plate of grapes. Violet eyes looked at the grapes then Hanataro, "~~ Feed them to me?~~" she seductively cooed as she licked her lips. Hanataro grew _stiff _His queen asking him to feed her grapes as he stares at her supple breasts he once suckled from?

The once meek Hanataro became a man.

More than ecstatic _stiff_ Hanataro proudly walked towards Rukia, dangling the bunches of grapes centimeters away from her shiny pink lips- the tip of her pink warm tongue grazes the lowest grape dangling above her as she gets a taste of the sweetness. A moan escapes her pink puckering lips that incited many groans. The men knew not to barge in on the queen. They have more respect for her than that. They knew they had to wait their turn-which was why they are all aching to pound that sweet pussy of hers when Ichigo was declared late.

But he is here and now, Ichigo was more than ready to pound the ass that was calling for him. But the queen isn't going to make it easy for him. Not when he is late.

So, to punish Ichigo, the queen licks the grape once more, but this time, this time the queen takes her time, she licks her grape and plays around with the grape before she slowly sucks the grape off the vine.

At this point, Ichigo shoves poor Hanataro who just became a man- aside. Ichigo was sick of all the other men ogling HIS queen. So, out of nothing but pure animal instinct, Ichigo roughly carries his queen and dashes through the horny angry harem of men to the queen's luxuriously silken drapped room. Everything about her room radiated nothing mroe than lust.

Laughing, the queen loops her arm around Ichigo's firm shoulder and pulls herself up and whispers, "I wonder if your shoulders can hold my legs..."

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Bwahhahahaha! I leave you folks off here because I have a nuitrition paper I need to write and writing this was a slight break from it all. The big lemon is gonna be in the next chapter.

So... I'll see you folks soon?


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